My boyfriend and I are lying naked on the couch together. It’s mid morning and it’s already almost 90 degrees out. We’re still half asleep and puffy-eyed, having just crawled out of bed. Lying there in a half-cuddle, he’s looking on his phone, wading through the hours of back tweets and missed Instagram posts. His dick is still semi-hard from the morning.
My lower region flutters and the familiar feeling, the quickened heartbeat, the flush that rises from the top of my head all the way down, that feeling overwhelms me and I slither down to kiss his pubic hair.
Before I can lightly tongue bath his lovely penis, he grabs my face firmly but gently and brings me back up to a PG-rated position, and carries on looking at his phone.
I’m feeling rejected, and very horny, and frustrated/confused that the man I love and obviously desire isn’t interested in having me swallow his semi-hard penis. Is this some kind of cruel joke? Aren’t men supposed to be sex-crazed maniacs that harass you night and day? Aren’t they thinking about pussies, and tits, and fucking like 3000 times a day? Does this mean he’s not attracted to me anymore? Is he worried that he smells? Did he jerk off in the middle of the night?
I ask him in a meek voice, “Is everything alright?” He ignores me, but squeezes the arm that’s around me a little tighter in affection.
I nuzzle into his neck and ask why he doesn’t want my lips wrapped around him, and he says (with a faint hint of defensiveness), “I just want to hold you. Is that alright?”
And how can I argue with that. I’m receiving and giving intimacy. Non-sexual closeness. It’s a crucial experience in all serious relationships, and I value it greatly, but… WHO SAYS NO TO HEAD?
I’ve talked to a few of my girlfriends lately who over the past year have often complained of the same thing. Once the honeymoon is over (and let me tell you, these days, because relationships are lucky to last a year or two, the honeymoon is over at around week 4), it’s spooning and Netflix for days. Guys in relationships are pulling back. They want affection and love, and not the nightly 3hr sex-a-thon. The reality is that they become less and less interested in your cute S&M collars and more inclined to want a real dog, a puppy to play Papi to.
Women, maybe as a result of this gender reversal, or maybe because we’ve just always had it in us, or MAYBE because we’re predictable enough to always want what we can’t have, have become oversexed and dick-crazed because withholding it, makes it even more desirable. So many of my friends tell me that they’re ALWAYS ready and up for sex, but their boyfriends turn them down regularly.
Now, more than ever before, we’re hearing the loud and powerful young female voice.
You know what I’m talking about. The new wave of feminism. My pussy, My power. Selfies, nude selfies, cam girls, young, sexed up and vocal women openly discussing their menstrual cycles, growing out their previously manicured bushes, under arm hair, no bras, twerking in bars, clubs, on the street, on Instagram…women who were angry about men and corporations objectifying them, are now objectifying themselves. And good on them/us.
But the issue remains as to why with all this sex around us, are men becoming sexually indifferent?
Well, the thrill is being slowly lost. The expectation isn’t living up to the hype. If we’re baring it all online, what’s left to get excited about IRL?
It also goes to prove my age-old point of genuine sexual attraction being about one’s energy rather their looks & aesthetic. And the overwhelming amount of sexual imagery and dialogue that surrounds us is really starting to bear down on the mind’s of men. Trust me, leaving a little mystery can go a very long way.
Furthermore and quite obviously so, when it comes to monogamy, once the chase is over and the relationship begins, for many men, the lustful desires and whims are curbed. Young men in adult relationships are caged birds. Don’t get me confused….These men are choosing the relationship over single life because they’re meeting amazing women who are independent and sexually open-minded and intelligent. They want to be there – it’s not a hard-luck tale. It’s just that once the uncertainty of getting laid ends and the security of a relationship begins, the constant fucking dies down and a deeper sense of love and fantasy kicks in. In his eyes, you could be the future mother of his child. You’re no longer just a sexy piece of ass.
This is absolutely nothing new, I mean, we know men are hunters and put on the earth to procreate, spread their seed etc etc. So, once he has seen your naked body every day and every night for how ever many months, no matter how sexy you are, the excitement does unfortunately start to decline.
The thousands of discussions about sex, our relationship, my life and where it’s going, his life and his frustrations, the slow marathon of day-to-day existing…it all gets pretty mundane and no matter how thrilling a life you lead, if you’re living together or seeing each other exclusively, the sexual side of your relationship will possibly and likely change.
But, the cool thing about this issue for someone like me (ambitious, thrives on change, likes mystery), is that I can be more productive. Honestly. Thinking about sex 24/7 takes away a lot of my energy for other things. Once the realization hit that his occasional slump in libido isn’t personal, it left me with a sense of freedom and even more love for him, because it tells me that he’s taking this relationship we’re in, seriously.
And for him it’s not just about poking his penis in me in a various manner of ways. When we do fool around (and for the record, it’s still several time a week), it’s unpredictable and sensual, it’s provocative and experimental instead of routine, robotic and ordinary. Because fucking on the daily, no matter how great at it you are, will eventually get old.