The FAST Guide to Loving Yourself


I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to love yourself and what it takes to lose the detrimental internal dialogue. Every woman has experienced the dialogue – it is the way we speak to ourselves when we gain weight, when we get dumped, when we make a mistake, when we’re late. The way we convince ourselves that we are useless unless we have washboard abs, an astronomical salary, a beautiful partner, and a clean car. With this knowledge kept in mind, I am proposing a vow to love yourself. I am cringing after typing out that sentence because it sounds like some holistic living sham. Maybe it is and I am just another believer drinking the Kool-Aid, but I have a feeling it is worth a try.

Here are the key facets I have discovered to loving yourself:

Mental Housekeeping

Stop drinking so much and spend the money you save from not frequenting the bar on therapy sessions. Or a gym membership. Whatever floats your boat. After awhile you’re really just stunting your growth as a human being. And whether you handle that by working out more or by talking to a shrink is not the point. The point is that you actually take initiative to take care of yourself.

Eat Well

I’ve never had a nice thing to say to myself after eating McDonald’s. Ever.

More Nudity

Get naked. Sleep naked. Cook naked. Look at your naked body in the mirror. Take photos of yourself naked and send to your girlfriends. Get used to being naked for yourself, first and foremost.

Get Honest

The more honest I have become, the more I loved myself. Even when it sucked to be honest with some people who I am really close to in my life, I realized that I was living according to my truths. However, do be forewarned about this facet of self-love: being honest does not equate to being an asshole. Remember that.


Masturbate. It helps you have better sex with a partner. It helps you learn your body. It clears your mind. It brings one’s sexuality full circle.

Choose Your Partners Wisely

Dating a dude because his most valuable asset is looks and/or money will only hurt you in the end. Dating a dude who is mean to you is a drag. Come on ladies, do I reallllly have to spell this one out for you?

Be Kind

Be kind to yourself and don’t tell yourself you’re a worthless idiot every time you are five minutes late to work. Be kind to others and stop gossiping so much. Honor the golden rule, feel the good vibrations, commence enlightenment.

A Midweek Meditation on Zadie Smith’s Literary Brilliance, Michelle Obama’s Grace and Common’s Never-ending Creativity

This week, I’m leaning into love. Love for literature and one of its most brilliant minds. Love for our First Lady who feels like family instead of political royalty. Love for Common, a man whose trademark creative impulse shines on an unofficial remix of “Cranes in the Sky.”

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