Lately (and by lately, I mean over the past year or so), many (by many, I mean most) of my male lovers have taken to choking me during sex.
At first I was a little preturbed thinking that it was some sort of hate/fuck thing, and I kind of took it personally. And then I thought about it a little more and decided it was probably due to the rise of BDSM and kink porn sites or 50 Shades Of Grey, bringing choking (amongst other fun stuff, like ass-slapping, tying up and hair-pulling) to the the mainstream allowing women a voice to say “I actually like it”…
But my question is, do they REALLY like it, and how does one usually get into it. Are women asking to be choked, or like me, are the men just going for the grab without permission and hoping for a green light?
I interviewed a couple of girlfriends to ask them, “Have you ever been choked during sex? If so, did you like it, and what about it do you honestly enjoy?” I also wanted to know if it had ever gone wrong. Just like any kinky sex-play, there has to be a sense of security and trust for it to NOT result in a trip to the hospital.
There’re a plethora of opinions and techniques to making it a pleasurable, rather than horrific experience. Here are their tales, tips and outcomes.
Lara, 27yrs old:
I like being choked during sex, yes. But only when it’s not too hard. Or scary. I think it’s the submissiveness, plus it feels really good. It’s the hands around my throat that feels good, not necessarily the lack of oxygen. I think it’s like an adrenalin rush because it is a little bit scary. I’ve been hurt once before though. For sure. It was a long time ago, but he was just way too rough and took it way too far. I don’t think men realize you’re supposed to try to (gently) cut off the oxygen by gripping the sides of the neck, not by disallowing me to breath by pushing down on my wind pipe. That’s not how you do it.
Faith, 31yrs old:
I thought I liked being choked during sex, until a guy did it so hard, I wanted to punch him in the face. He came at my throat like a quick prison punch (while we were fucking). The sex had been good up until that point but after that, I immediately dried up like a desert. I said, “okay, I’m done”. Men are animals sometimes, and I think he was just really in the moment and unaware of his own strength. He was fine about it and I really did enjoy a little choking prior to that experience but honestly, I now much prefer my hands and wrists to be held down or tied.
Zoe, 28yrs old:
Do I like being choked during sex? Hell yes. I like it because it’s both intimate and dirty. Being that I’m currently in love, I want both these things because it makes me feel like I’m HIS.
June, 21yrs old:
As a sub, I’ve always been more into fetish sex and intimacy in that form. It was like that from the beginning of my sexual experience. So I particularly always liked choking because it was exciting and rough and much more enticing than typical, standard, straight vanilla sex. I like being controlled by a man in bed. For me, it’s a security aphrodisiac. Personally, I am moved sexually by the entire foreplay and BDSM experience. The concept of being a submissive pet is titillating, so choking and role-play usually does makes the sex better. I don’t feel it necessarily makes my orgasms better, but overall it makes me connected to the man much more.
Rainia, 34yrs old:
I was never particularly fond of being choked. I’ve had almost all kinds and every type of sex, but choking always felt really degrading. Don’t get me wrong. It has felt good, because for me, sex acts can be all kinds of everything, but I never want casual sex to make me feel degraded. Recently I met a man who I’m now seeing steadily, and he’s really into choking and light BDSM. Gradually, I’ve been allowing him to hold my head down into the ground or pillow, and aggressively hold his hands over my face or mouth. The more I fall for him, the more I want him to do these things to me, and the more turned on I’m becoming by the acts themselves. Plus, the orgasms he gives me are better than anyone before him, so I’m happy to on occasion be his little ‘fuck-toy’.