The Hand Job

Men want you to touch their dicks. Whether it be a fleeting, discreet slide of the fingers as you brush by in the crowded grocery store or you dive in the shower after them, they’re just thrilled to feel a hand other than their own. The HJ has gotten some flack over the years as something for the novice to try in a movie theater, and I’m here to tell you damn right! It’s perfect for movie theaters. AND the ballet, long drives, under the table at the packed fancy restaurant while winking at the sommelier who caught you, and for getting him to wake up and put that morning wood to use. Novice or expert, foreplay or finishing off, don’t be shy or stingy with the hand jobs.

Technique isn’t too important if you’re just going for foreplay, but if you’re going for extended play or working towards the finish line, you’re going to want a quality lube. Since there aren’t any latex condoms or silicone toys involved in the HJ, go for the gold: a silicone lube is the best invention ever. I like Pjur Woman – no scent and a tiny, albeit expensive, no-spill-tube will last for at least 200 quality hand jobs. After that, just pay attention to how he moves when you stroke. Keep a firm-ish grip, but you’re not trying to strip the pole. Attention to the tip is good with a hugging, entrance-type grip to your hand for a bit more heightened arousal, and there are finger wrapping techniques you can try when you’re comfortable, just don’t change it up too much during a single session because the penis is easily confused and you really don’t want to incur carpel tunnel syndrome just getting him to bust a nut.

I suggest you keep a no-spill tube in your purse for surprise action in the car after a nice dinner out, going to a chick flick or after he just endured sitting during your mani-pedi for an hour holding up the People magazine for you. Just make sure the nails are dry first.

Photo by Steven D. Lenhart

It’s All Gucci…