Casual sex isn’t an easy adventure for anyone. Sure, most parts are awesome but in the end it usually becomes much more complex than you wanted it to be. Initially it’s fun having someone you can hook up with but not be worried about them getting jealous or becoming attached. You know the other person is into you but you don’t know where it might end up. It’s exciting and empowering but if you don’t know what you’re doing you’re going to end up looking lonely and desperate. It’s the difference between casually fucking someone and a one-night stand. Once you go back for more you better know what you want and how far you’re going to take it. Or else you’re going to end up losing the power you once enjoyed. Because whether you like to admit it or not we’ve all probably liked someone more than they’ve liked us and that’s never enjoyable to realize. But what if we just stopped kidding ourselves? Life is about choices and it is those choices that determine our own personal happiness. So next time you go home with that boy or girl think about where you want it to go and stick to the plan.
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I have an example that I know my friends have related to. When I was new in town and looking for some fun I had no trouble finding someone to play with. I’d go to my favorite bar and wait for the guys that went there to recognize me and chat me up. I didn’t want a boyfriend but I defiantly wanted to fuck. I didn’t want some clingy loser either but I also didn’t want to feel like I didn’t matter. So without thinking too far ahead I’d sleep with a guy, text him the next day to hang out, and then be confused when they didn’t respond. I told myself I was playing it cool and by some standards I was. When I’d see them again we’d hook up but still no texts back. The guy I’d gone home with had heard my intentions about how I didn’t want to date him and that “hopefully we’d see each other soon.” It’d even gone well enough that numbers were exchanged. But my actions spoke louder than my words. He knew what he wanted and was getting it but I was left unsatisfied (emotionally, not physically).
As much as I wanted to call him an asshole he wasn’t. I had to remind myself that sex is a game at any level. If I was planning on surviving on casual sex then I needed to learn the rules. They’re simple and can apply to most sexual relationships.
1. Be honest. If your feelings are extending further than you’d planned then talk about it.
2. Be nice. You’d think this would be easier. Don’t get mad when she’s moved on and don’t get angry when you see him with another girl.
3. Relax. There are plenty of fish in the sea, ya know?
Hopefully that helps.