Here you are. After all the conversations, promises and supplications (or not – anal sex is becoming a norm, afterall), you are ready. The moment has come for you to start taking care of business. You’ve read the articles, bought the lubricant, unhooked the phone line… but had you thought about music? Silence just doesn’t bode well with sodomy. And while some of you might want to put their faith in the hands of radio programming, I’d advise otherwise. Let me present to you: the anal play list.
1- Beginners Big-Bang
First timers, welcome to the fantastic world of anal lust. Since this is your first test run, you might wanna ease up on the heavy-metal or any kind of music that makes you wanna bang your head (whichever one it is that you bang). Go for something slow and sensual. Don’t wander too far from the comfort zone by choosing songs nobody knows about. This is not the time to show off your knowledge of underground electro-funk. The idea is to make everyone comfortable while still not thinking about their parents. Fuck me, but I’d go for brit pop!
– Coffee & TV (Blur)
– Bittersweet Symphony (The Verve)
– Lola (The Kinks)
– Common People (Pulp)
– Champagne Supernova (Oasis)
2- Novice Territory
So, you’ve tried it a couple times. But maybe not with each other. You’ve got experience: That’s all good, my friend. But don’t think for a second that you’re immune to the possibility of messing up and never seeing the sight of her ass again. The idea is to set up the mood for confidence without crossing the bragging line. So – no Barry White. Just don’t go there. I say: be creative if you wanna go the extra mile…
– ‘Round Midnight (Miles Davis)
– All the Young Dudes (David Bowie)
– The Spy (The Doors)
– I Want Love (Elton John)
– Thirty-Three (Smashing Pumpkins)
3- So, you’re an expert now?
You’ve made it! After years of practicing the dark arts, you feel as though nothing is impossible. Well then, it is time for you to up the antes by trying to make her come while listening to one (or more) of the these babies.
– Free Bird (Lynyrd Skynyrd)
– Hallelujah (Jeff Beck) – personal favorite (!)
– Dream On (Aerosmith)
– Tender (Blur)
– Sympathy for the Devil (The Rolling Stones)
You’re a Jedi. Advice from me? You don’t need it. Freak!